Most Beautiful New York City Call Girls

Are you planning to come to New York and looking for a girl to escort you? Then, you may need to check out NY Real Girls to find out the most beautiful and stunning girls in the city of New York. NY Real Girls is the premier escort connection service which provides unique and satisfying experience through their most beautiful ladies in the city for escorting either privately or publicly. Their service includes incall and outcall as well as partners for business trips and vacations, extended agreements and also dates for special events.

On NY Real Girls, you can get girls of your dreams whether she is sensual or exotic, classic look or personality and others. On the other hand, they also offer you a number of luxury services including limo and car services, city guidance, airport transportation and also booking for tables, entertainments and clubs. It will certainly give you something more to make your experience in call the escort girls being more incredible and amazing as you have never expected before. New York City call girls available on the NY Real Girls are waiting for your call and ready to give you their best services.

On their website, you can check out the call girls’ private information including their personality type, photos and what they like. You can choose the one that match with your taste and they will make sure that you will have the one you really want. You can ask them to have day out in Central Park or to fulfill any other desire you have with them. What are you waiting for? Let’s visit the website to check out their call girls gallery and then book the most beautiful girl you like. They will guarantee your satisfaction and you can let they know what you need to make you satisfied as well.

Escort Girl For Your Companion On Vacation

Spending your time on vacation and alone, some people may find it lonely. Moreover, when it is their first time to visit a certain country. Nevertheless, there is a solution if you need a companion to accompany your so called vacation. Another case, you are on your business trip and have one or some days left, but you hate the idea about spending it alone. Not to mention, but for both circumstances, escort girl is your solution. However, are you familiar with escort girl? Though there are many sites that provide escort girls around the globe where you are staying right now, choosing one can be a herculean task, if this is you first time to consider escort girl service for your vacation.

If you are not careful enough, it leads to a scam that makes your vacation turns into a nightmare. How to start? You need to look for a trusted directory site or a site to find the escort girl that meets your expectation. Just in case you spend your time around Europe, www.escort24h.net is a worth noting site to consider. Known as the one within some escort clubs you may find in Europe, you won’t get it wrong when sparing your time looking for a typical escort girl that you want as your company.

Plenty of beautiful girls from UK, France, Greece, Italy, Canada, and Belgium are there waiting for you. Guess what? For anytime you need a company, you should know that they will welcome you for 24/7. Nevertheless, which part of you Europe that you visit? Whether you need escort girls while spending your time in Paris, Milan, Brussells, Rome or Antwerp, you get it covered. In fact, the escort girls are not only have stunning beauty, but they know how exactly to entertain you through city adventure, light conversation and so on.

Why Women Prefer Men With Money

When you were courting your girl, you were on your best behavior. You made plans for dinner, invited her to the movies, and took her to the club. And she had a great time because you were attentive, charming and hilarious. Okay, maybe your jokes weren’t that funny… but you made her smile. And when you looked into her eyes, glanced at her lips, inched closer… and kissed her for the first time… she felt desirable.

As time goes by, you find that you spend more time at home because you can’t be bothered to waste money at the club… to listen to the same music and to see the same people. But when you wanted to have sex with her for the first time… you were on the dance floor till they started to play Celine Dion.

How ironic it is that when your boys ask you to go out, you’re instantly energized and forget about your budget? The lure of meeting and dancing with new girls is enticing, even if you have to listen to same music and see the same people.

Women like to have fun. After a hard week of work (or exams) it’s nice to de-stress with a few glasses of wine. Or when she’s on vacation, it’s relaxing to take an out-of-town trip. And sure, she should be independent, but being independent doesn’t mean she should always go out with her girlfriends because you can’t afford to take her, and being independent certainly doesn’t mean she should perpetually foot the bill for the both of you.

To live comfortably, it’s natural for a woman to prefer a man with money because, together, they can afford to live a better life. And this does not mean she’s materialistic. People always say that “money can’t buy happiness” but every single woman I know wants to travel, and to the best of my knowledge, this isn’t free. In fact, perhaps, the most defining moment in a couple’s life is when they’re in front of the pastor saying “I do” and — for the record — the wedding reception isn’t free.

Now don’t get me wrong, it’s nice to stay at home and chill with your girl. It’s even nicer if, in the middle of a TV series, she leans into you, rests her head on your chest and falls asleep in your arms. You simply can’t buy wonderful pleasures like cuddling. And these pleasures are the backbone of a relationship.

But you must understand that there are things she’d like to experience. And let’s also be real, a girl loves an ambitious man. His ability to take control of situations, his drive to be successful, his sense of responsibility — these attributes are a big turn on.

Now, let me be clear: When you’ve just met a good woman, she doesn’t expect you to have money. That’s not why she’s dating you. And of course, she’ll stay by your side during the difficult times. But at some point, you need to fulfill your potential and aspire to improve yourself in your profession. Because if you love her, you would work your ass off to ensure that, together, you get to tick off a few bucket list items — to ensure that, together, you can enjoy weekend outings and to ensure that, together, you can provide for your children.

If a woman prefers her man to have money,it doesn’t necessarily mean that she’s a gold digger. It can simply mean that she wants to experience life with you.

How to Date Long Distance (If You Must)

2015-09-05-1441471040-5159396-ScreenShot20150905at12.36.35PM.pngI told my (long distance) boyfriend that I was writing this article and asked if he had any tips for others in our position. He had some advice. Three words actually: “Don’t do it.” And I’m not gonna lie, I pretty much agree. But if long distance love calls and you must answer, here are some tips from my/our experience.

Hone those communication skills. I’d actually never been in a long distance relationship before this one so I didn’t really know what to expect. And let me tell you, it’s not easy. I don’t think I realized how much “normal” relationships are spent just experiencing life together. When you’re in a long distance relationship you only have phone calls, texts, emails, and Face Time/Skype. Miscommunications happen and you have to be patient with each other. Some nights one person is way too tired for a phone call. Fair enough. But in these cases you don’t have another option of watching a movie or doing work side by side. Imagine if every interaction you had with your significant other had to be a conversation or an exerted verbal effort. Yep. That’s the definition of long distance. SO here are a few tips: 1) Be patient with each other and over-communicate. Saying “I’m feeling tired tonight. I want to spend time with you, but you’ll really have to carry this conversation” is a better option than being blah or getting in a fight on the phone. 2) When you do fight or miscommunicate, learn how to apologize and work through miscommunication like the champs that you are. Be careful not to take things too personally. And 3) Take the time to fully utilize all forms of communication. Sending sweet texts throughout the day, sharing pictures of your daily life, and composing thoughtful emails all show the other person that they’re on your mind and worth your time.

If possible, make big decisions in person.
Since miscommunication can be common and as a result emotions can run high, I heavily suggest waiting to make any big decisions about your relationship until you are in person. Trust me on this one. From discussions defining the relationship to conversations about moving to the same city, plan to have those in person. And those emotional, late night, “maybe we should break up” texts. Not necessary. (Preaching to myself here).

Learn to ask (good) questions. Again, since your interaction is largely limited to conversation, make sure you keep the conversation interesting and purposeful. It helps if you ask good questions. For example, instead of just asking “How was your day?” ask “How was that meeting with X at work today?” This shows that you care about your significant other, are aware of their daily schedule, and want to be involved. It also helps jog their memory about their daily activities and gives them the starting point for a good, open, real conversation. Another example? Instead of asking “How’s that book you’re reading?” say, “Can you tell me what’s happening in the book you’re reading?” Again, this opens up a longer and more interesting conversation, shows you care and want to be involved, and gives your partner permission to really open up.

Find ways to experience daily life together. So far the theme of this article has been that “you only have conversation” as a means of hanging out. But after a few months of long distance dating my boyfriend, I have come to the unanimous conclusion that conversation is not enough. And this is what makes long distance so hard. We’ve made an effort to have daily experiences together even though we’re 600 miles apart. If one person has to wake up early for work, we both set our alarms and call each other as a backup alarm. Though we are not morning people at all, a few wake up calls have turned into 45 minute conversations, because it’s nice to start the day together. We have a book that we’re reading together out-loud on the phone. We send each other pictures of our day and sometimes videos. We’ve made efforts to visit each other so that we recognize streets, restaurants, and people when we mention them in conversation. All of this can’t replace being in person 7 days a week, but we’re trying.

Speaking of being in-person, prioritize the visits! It’s worth the time and worth the money. While we haven’t nailed it perfectly, my boyfriend and I try to see each other every 2-3 weeks. This obviously isn’t possible for everyone, but if it is, make the effort! And be creative. Is there a place you can meet in the middle? I live in NYC and my boyfriend lives in NC. One weekend we decided to take a day trip to DC. He drove and I took the train. Sounds crazy, I know, but it was so worth it.

Don’t spend all of your in-person time one-on-one. When you haven’t seen each other in a long time, it’s tempting to want massive amounts of alone time just the two of you. And while this is important, it’s also very important for your relationship that you spend time with other people. Your significant other should know your friends and you should know theirs. The best relationships are the ones that can be experienced in community. So, don’t be hermits. Plus, it’ll help your friends understand why you do this long distance thing if they know your partner. And it will help your relationship with your partner if they can picture who you’re talking about when you tell them stories on the phone.

Keep in mind that you’re different people. Different people with different needs, emotions, and tolerance levels. Being long distance might be really hard for one of you one day and easier for the other person. You might miss each other at different times and for different reasons. Study yourself and your partner. Learn what makes them tick. Learn their emotional needs. Figure out how you can support them from afar. Consider taking a love language test to see what makes each other feel the most loved. Does your significant other like presents? Send them flowers or cards. Do they need quality time with you? Try taking walks at the same time while you’re on the phone with each other. Do they crave physical touch as a means of communicating love and affection? Understand that after a long day they might be sad that they can’t curl up with you. Be patient with their sadness.

Discuss your relationship goals. Once again, long distance relationships are hard. And if you ask me, they don’t seem very sustainable. At least not for my personality. Make sure you talk to your significant other about your hopes for the relationship. Do you want to eventually move to the same city? What’s the timeframe? Or are you both ok without having a plan? No matter what you decide, I highly encourage you to have this conversation and attempt to be on the same page!

Enjoy life apart. When push comes to shove, reality is reality, and you don’t live in the same city as your significant other. While sulking and crying can seem like a valid option, I’m here to tell you that it’s not. Enjoy friendships in your city, go to parties and dinners, work your butt off at a job you love, and embrace your life as it is. Remember, whether your relationship is long-distance or not, you are a unique individual. So be the best you. Invest in life. Ultimately, you, your partner, and your relationship will all benefit.

Decide if it’s worth it. After adamantly telling other people “Don’t do it”, my boyfriend added, “But you’re worth it. Write that down.” And I guess maybe that’s what it all comes down to. In general, long distance might not be worth it, so you have to feel that your relationship is the exception. You have to decide that your partner is worth it. You have to prefer the pain of dating long distance with your person to the idea of a more simple life without them. So…what do you want? Who do you want? Try a long distance relationship and you’ll figure it out.

Do You ‘Pull’ on Others for Love, Attention or Approval?

A friend of mine asked me the following question: “How would you describe ‘pulling’ to someone? I know when I feel pulled at, and I know when I’m pulling, but I don’t know what to say about it.

“Pulling” is not easy to describe because it has more to do with energy than with words or behavior. The same words or behavior can be experienced by others as pulling or as caring, depending upon the intent.

You are automatically pulling on others for love, attention, approval and validation when you are not giving these to yourself. When you are abandoning yourself by making others responsible for your feelings, or by ignoring yourself, judging yourself, or acting out addictively, your inner child feels alone and empty inside. This emptiness is like a black hole that is desperate for the light of love to fill it. Because you are not bringing love to yourself, you become an abandoned child desperately needy for love. Your emptiness is like a vacuum – an energy vampire – sucking energy from anyone whom you think has some love to give to you. Sometimes pulling is masked under the guise of being nice.

For example, let’s say that your friend Laura says to you, “How is your day going?” If Laura is connected to Spirit and to her own feelings, she is coming from a full place within. Her question is coming from genuine caring, and you can feel the energy of caring, of giving. It feels good to you to share your day with Laura.

But what if Laura has been ignoring and judging herself? What if she has been acting out addictively to avoid her feelings? What if she has not been asking her Guidance, “What is in my highest good right now?” What if, as a result, Laura feels alone and empty inside? Then her question has a totally different intent. She hopes that by asking you about your day that you will let her in on you so she can feel special to you. She hopes that you will not know that she is trying to invade you with the question. She hopes that you will give her the time and attention that she is not giving to herself. She hopes that you will fill the empty place within her. When this is the case, you will feel “pulled at.” You will feel like Laura is trying to take something from you rather than give something to you.

It might be confusing to you because she is asking an ostensibly caring question, yet you do not feel cared about. The pull is in the energy, not in the words. You find that you don’t want to share your day with Laura. You may feel a sense of resistance, of invasion, and you just want to get away. Or, if you are a caretaker, you may feel obligated to tell Laura about your day, obligated to fill her black hole. You might feel that it is your responsibility to give Laura what she wants so that she won’t feel hurt. But at the end of the conversation, you feel drained.

Anytime we are judging ourselves, ignoring our own feelings, acting out addictively, allowing our ego wounded self to be in charge with it’s lies about us and others, or making others responsible for our feelings, we are automatically pulling on others. The child within – our feeling self – needs time, love, attention, approval and validation. Our inner child needs to be seen and heard. When we are not seeing and hearing ourselves and taking loving action on our own behalf, the black hole of our inner abandonment will be a pull on others for what we are not giving to ourselves. No matter how nice we act with others, they will feel pulled at. They may give us what we want or they may withdraw and resist, but in neither case will the relationship be a healthy one.

It’s very important if we want to have loving, healthy relationships to be aware of when we are pulling and when we feel pulled at. Becoming aware of this, without judgment, can open the door to healing.

4 Reasons Why It’s OK to Be a ‘Quitter’


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Having trouble leaving a crappy situation because you don’t want to be a “quitter”? Let’s stop the name-calling and start getting real. Here are the reasons why it’s totally fine to peace out when the going gets too tough.

1. You’re not wasting your time and energy. Maybe you want to walk away from your abhorrent HR assistant job or leave that series of dreadful spin classes you registered for on a whim; don’t feel bad about it. Why dump years of your life into a job or hobby that isn’t positively serving you? Never regret leaving a negative situation that you feel isn’t contributing to your personal growth or well-being. Consider each endeavor a learning experience, and use that knowledge with intention to explore new avenues for fulfillment. While it is acceptable to quit an unsatisfying job, hobby, or relationship, do continue seeking healthy alternatives to close the gaps. There is a difference between quitting and giving up completely.

2. You’re being honest with yourself. There are several reasons people stay in situations that aren’t good for them: guilt, money, time, responsibility to friends or loved ones, fear. While these feelings are valid, they are not reasons to keep doing something that makes you miserable. Using excuses to justify staying in a bad situation, whether they are well-intentioned or not, does a massive disservice to yourself and those around you. It’s easy to think you’re just being realistic when you say, “I have to stay at this job one whole year so I have the experience” or “My partner would be so disappointed if I stopped going to my running group every morning.” Be honest with yourself and ask some questions: What have I learned from this experience? Is this experience helping me improve professionally or personally? Am I staying in this situation for myself or someone else? Are the reasons I’m staying in this situation logical, or are they my personal beliefs stemming from fear or guilt? Do I have access to a potentially better situation? Do I want to pursue a new path? Who am I really hurting or disappointing if I decide to try something new? Asking logical questions will provide the perspective needed to make a proactive decision.

3. You’re still exploring. Listen, it doesn’t matter how old you are, it’s never too early or too late in your life to continue exploring new forms of fulfillment. Don’t buy into generalizations about your career, relationships, or hobbies. You aren’t stuck. Not everyone hates their jobs, relationships aren’t always miserable, and you don’t have to stick with every new thing you try. Collect kernels of wisdom from your past experiences and use them to your advantage. Approach new endeavors in an intelligent, organized way to avoid getting off track. Develop a system. Visualize where you’d like to be, set clear, realistic goals for getting there, and be intentional with your choices.

4. When you’re in the right place, you’ll know it. You’ve probably heard someone say they “just knew” when something was right for them. Don’t worry if your friend found their dream job in a month, and you’ve been working for 5 years and haven’t found a role you like. Remember, everyone is different. Keep in mind that even when you find “the thing” you’re still going to have to work at it. Don’t disregard that rush of excitement and energy you get in your improv class just because you bombed a couple of times. Mastering something you love takes a ton of work. Be up for it.

8 Signs It’s Time To Move On From The Man You’re Dating

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In addition to being a world-renowned comedian, talk show host, philanthropist, husband and father, Steve Harvey is the Chief Love Officer of online dating site Delightful. He draws on his personal experiences and the stories that millions of people have shared with him over the years to help more people find and keep the love they deserve.

You’ve been dating a guy for several months, and you really like him. He’s funny and sexy and your stomach does that little flip thing when a text from pops up on your phone. But all is not perfect. You’re not getting as much attention as you’d like to feel completely secure. You know he’s holding something back and it’s making you crazy.

Don’t ignore your feelings. Not every new relationship is going to make it, and you want to be sure you keep a clear head while you decide if your new guy really deserves your heart. If you’re having a hard time trusting your gut, trust me instead and look for one of these signs it’s time to move on.

1. He’s not interested in meeting your family. A guy who sees you as part of his long term plan won’t be hesitant to meet your family. He might be nervous to meet your children or your parents, but he’ll do it, and he’ll do it without a lot of drama and fuss. A man who does NOT see you as part of his life, however, has little interest in getting to know your people because a day at the park with your children isn’t exactly on his bucket list.

If you’ve brought up meeting your family more than twice and it still hasn’t happened, it’s time to move on.

2. He cancels plans. If your man is regularly canceling plans you’ve made together, something’s not right. It’s one thing to have a busy week or two at work, but if cancellations have become the new normal, you have to ask yourself what’s really going on. Either he’s got another woman on the line or he’s simply decided that other commitments in his life are more important than the ones he’s made to you.

It’s a big deal to plan a weekend away together–you might need to line up childcare or find a pet sitter or even get a day off of work to make it all happen. If he cancels, it is time to move on and take that weekend getaway with a girlfriend who is much more reliable.

3. He makes minimal effort to make you happy. If your new man knows your birthday is coming up and makes no special plans for that day or doesn’t so much as get you a card, you know where you stand and it is not good. Even if birthdays were never a big deal in his family, he knows that the woman in his life deserves a little celebrating on her special day. He knows.

Your man should want to put a smile on your face every time he sees you. I’m not talking about showering you with gifts, but I am talking an honest effort to make you happy. He should want to take you to the restaurant you love. He should know your favorite flower. He should put some creativity into romancing you. Let him. And if he makes no effort, keep moving.

If the main way your new guy communicates with you is through text messages, you have a problem. If you find yourself often “just hanging out” with him with no specific plans, you have a problem.

The amount of effort a man puts in to his relationship with you reveals a lot. If he’s lazy right from the beginning on this point, do you really think things are going to improve over time as he gets more and more used to you being around, putting up with less than his best? The answer is no and you know it. Move on.

4. He’s not financially secure and has no plan to change. A man who is constantly short of money is not the man for you. Unless you’re both college students, it is unacceptable for a man to be unable to pay his way and more.

While we all understand short term setbacks, I’m sure you know the difference between a man who is in a rough spot thanks to an unexpected layoff and a man who just can’t get his act together. If you’ve been with a man for several months who constantly bemoans his lack of funds, move on.

You may feel like a cold piece of work walking away from a man who has no money, but to me, it’s only reasonable. It’s just not worth it to let his lack of planning and ambition become your problem too.

5. His view on relationships is very different from your own. Ask your man about how he feels about all kinds of relationships, from the one he has with his parents to the one he has with his community. You want to know how he gets along with his mother, don’t you?

You’re trying to find out if the two of you share the same values. If he has a dim view of commitment and loyalty, you’ll find out when he’s evasive or jokey. If most of the relationships in his life are rocky or inconsistent, there’s a reason. You don’t want to add yourself to the list.

6. He has no specific goals. In my book Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, two of the five questions I tell a woman to ask a man before she gets in too deep have to do with goals. Goals are everything. Goals tell you who a man is and where he’s going. Goals tell you where you might fit in his big picture.

A man with a plan is passionate and interesting. He’ll love to talk about his goals, both short and long term, and as he talks you’ll be able to figure out if he’s serious about where he wants to go and if the steps he describes to get there are realistic. You’ve been around the block enough times to know when someone’s a dreamer. Pay attention when your new man talks about his future and listen for concrete action. If you only hear a lot of BS, keep moving.

7. He won’t answer your questions straight up. It is perfectly acceptable–and very smart–to ask a man a few questions after you’ve had several dates to get to know each other. Questions about his intentions and about what he thinks about you are just fine. If he’s evasive or answers your questions with a joke, that’s a sign he’s probably not worth your time.

Men know what they want and make decisions all the time about where you fit into the big picture. If his feelings about you are lukewarm, take a step back until you’re both on the same page.

8. He holds out on a commitment to you. I’m sure you’ve seen men around town who regularly see more than one woman. You might even feel badly for his women, wondering what they’re thinking to allow themselves to be part of a crowd like that. But what about your own situation? Have you asked your own man where your relationship is going? Have you asked him about exclusivity?

The thing that women who are one of many have in common is failing to ask. Somewhere deep inside, they know they aren’t going to like the answer to the question “What are your intentions?” so they don’t ask. If your man isn’t clear about his commitment to you, don’t let him string you along. He’s not worth your time.

5 Ways to Get Over Your Vacation Fling

By Kate Cheng

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Summer travels have ended, and with them the balmy holiday nights spent next to that cutie you met at the beach, each hazy evening rolling into the next. Perhaps you convinced yourself at the beginning of your trip that you would be completely fine when it came to a close, but now you’re not so sure you’re quite ready to let go. After all, those endless days spent discussing your hopes and fears had to mean something, right? If, for some reason, though, you have to part ways, here are some tips on picking yourself up and facing the fall ready to start over.

Don’t try to stay in touch with your trip fling

Sever all ties. At least for a couple of weeks. A relationship that intense needs to stop as suddenly as it started – maybe a timeout is all you need to give you a reality check and get you back into a stable emotional position as you go about your daily business. Try to keep social media stalking to a minimum, too. Scrolling through their page with wanton abandon will only make you miss them more, and focusing on the good points they chose to spotlight on their ‘highlight reel’ might make you skew your view of them, which you definitely don’t need right now.

Realize your relationship existed in an unrealistic setting

As you allowed yourself to be consumed by the excitement of this new rendezvous, of course it felt like you hadn’t another care in the world- frankly, you didn’t. Vacation and travels are a time when you cut yourself some slack and leave the monotonous, quotidian concerns behind. By default, you already exist in a somewhat unrealistic setting, where you don’t need to worry about work, bills, or laundry. All your energy and time can be devoted to cultivating (and obsessing over!) this new romance, allowing it to take up a larger proportion of your headspace than it might actually in real life. It also lets you indulge in little details or specific memories – one particularly romantic candlelit dinner, perhaps, or a sweet picnic in the park – that make you prone to mentally blowing the relationship to proportions it may not deserve.

Keep yourself busy

Look forward to all the activities and people waiting for you at home – if you don’t have any plans, make them! Once you’ve touched down, schedule in a brunch with the girls, a pedi with your mom, or a casual weekend hanging out with your close friends. Distraction is always the best way to ease any heartache, or loneliness, that threatens to curl itself around you the moment you’re left to your own devices. Whether you’re talking out your emotions with your closest circle, or trying to forget about them altogether (and however you try and do that is up to you – we can think of a few very fun ways ourselves!) time spent with familiar faces who accept and love you will make you feel safe and cared for, and when are you going to be in more need of a little TLC? Even taking yourself out for a night at the theatre or gallery opening could be just the injection of exhilaration you need to lighten your step again.

Attack your work

Duty calls – even if you have spent a long dreamy holiday nursing a broken heart and a hangover, at some point that important presentation needs to be rehearsed, that textbook (not just the wine bottle!) to be cracked open. Carpe diem! There is no better time than now to dive wholeheartedly into your work, to channel all that pent up energy into a productive outlet. You might just discover your inner Cicero, or stumble upon the fascinating nuances of Medieval French poetry. Who knows, that promotion you’ve been waiting for, or your straight A’s, might just be round the corner!

Reflect and make peace with its ending

When you’re ready, think about the summer just gone. Revisit the conversations, recreate the lighting, feel the gentle waves lapping at your feet. Think about all the ways it worked – and then all the ways that it didn’t (and there were, we promise!). Don’t try and rationalise all the myriad reasons you two were meant to be or could have worked things out. Learn how you have recalibrated your relationship expectations, and your views of yourself, based on a few passionate weeks, and look forward to new people whom you can bring a worldlier version of yourself to.

Do You Give to Others for the Joy of It or to Get Love?

I received the following email from Adam, asking for my help:

“Hi, my name is Adam (not his real name). I am living with my parents and I’m thinking of moving out with my girlfriend Patty. But there are some things that make me feel upset, and I don’t really know what to do. I love her but she doesn’t seem to be the person she was. At times she feels bad and upset. These periods last for about 4-5 days. During these times she seems more distant and our sex life just stops. This makes me frustrated because for the past year I have been working so hard to try and make her feel better when she feels bad. I thought that it was working but now it seems nothing I do works. I miss the old times because she kissed me randomly all day and it made me feel so loved and wanted. She would hold me, and tell me great things. It was like a fantasy. Now, I’m lucky if she kisses me at least once in about 3 hours. I actually start all of the kissing. I start all of the holding. It feels like I have to start everything.

Mainly at times it feels like she just wants me as a friend. She doesn’t make me feel loved or wanted. My feelings about this come and go mainly around the times when she feels bad. But these feelings also come around sometimes when she is not feeling bad.

I just don’t have a clue what to do, and I need some help.”

Adam is giving to get. He wants control over getting Patty to validate his worth and fill him up. He is fine as long as Patty is having sex with him and kissing him a lot and making him feel “loved and wanted.” But, because Adam is abandoning himself and therefore not doing anything to make himself feel loved and wanted, he is addicted to Patty doing this. He is not giving his love to Patty from a place inside filled with love. Instead, he is empty inside and hopes that if he “works hard” and is nice to Patty, he can have control over getting her to fill his empty hole.

As a result, Patty feels pulled on to take responsibility for Adam’s wellbeing, and becomes upset and distant in the face of the pull. She is getting turned off to Adam and just wants him as a friend, likely because his neediness is not attractive to her. When sex is a way for Adam to get validated — rather than an expression of his love — Patty might used rather than loved when they have sex.

Nothing will change in this relationship until Adam decides to learn how to take responsibility for his own good feelings rather than expect Patty to do it for him. He need to learn to love himself. Patty wants him to come to her as a powerful and secure man, not as a needy little boy needing her constant kisses to feel okay about himself.

Adam needs to take his eyes off how Patty is treating him and instead focus on how he is treating himself and Patty. He needs to be aware of his emptiness and take responsibility for it. He needs to open to learning about what he is telling himself and how he is treating himself that is causing his emptiness and neediness. He needs to stop being a victim of Patty’s behavior and instead focus within on what he needs to do for himself, for the little boy within him that wants love and attention. He would have love to share with Patty if he were to focus on giving himself love and attention and on making himself happy, instead of trying to make Patty happy in the hopes that she will make him happy. As it is, he is just trying to get love — giving to get rather than giving for the joy of it.

Adam is coming from a very common false belief — that our best feelings come from being loved and desired. The truth is that our best feelings come from being loving to ourselves and to others. Adam won’t know this until he decides to change his intention from trying to have control over getting love to learning to love himself and share his love with Patty.

10 of the Worst Dates Ever

First dates are awkward enough when they’re going smoothly, so you can only imagine the horrors of a date that is going terribly wrong. You know you have imagined it, too (if you haven’t already experienced it yet, that is): you’re on your way to a first date, and your palms are sweaty while worst-case scenarios swirl around your head. Some people make it through their date without incident (and feel a little silly for imagining such absurd things to begin with), but some people have their worst fears realized- and we’ve asked these people to share their stories for our own viewing pleasure (and reassurance!) that it happens to everyone. It’s a part of life, so laugh it off, albeit, a bit nervously. Read on for ten of the “worst-date scenarios” ever experienced, and be thankful these haven’t happened to you (yet). And share your own if you’ve got one!

1. The Player
“I went to a bar with a guy who complained about being tired the entire time and said little else. He played candy crush until the cheerleaders came out on TV during the football game that was playing, then told me, ‘I’m awake now!'”

2. The Relationship Rehasher
“He kept bringing up my past relationships on the first date and then he was a terrible kisser, which was just the icing on the cake that I didn’t intend on eating.”

3. The Cheap Skate
“A guy took me out to the movies and only bought one ticket for himself and let me in the back door.”

4. The Bad Boy
“I was young and not smart enough to know better, but I got in the car with my date who had decided to smoke one before we left, and we ended up getting pulled over by the cops. When the cop asked where we were coming from, my date answered that we just had pizza back when we were in California. We were still in California. He was clearly on more drugs than he let on.”

5. The Socially Backward
“My date took me to the fair and bought a single plate of food and didn’t tell me whether we were sharing it or not. So to avoid any potential awkwardness, I just told him that I wasn’t hungry. But I was starving.”

6. The Opportunist
“Well, it was actually the worst date I’ve almost been on, and that’s because I drove an hour in traffic to meet a guy at a coffee joint just to get stood up. When I asked why he wasn’t there, he told me he got held up with friends, but I could meet him at his place. I told him I’d rather sit through double the traffic on the way home than do that.”

7. The Momma’s Boy
“I went on a first date with a guy at a restaurant and he showed up with an older woman who turned out to be our waitress. She kept complimenting on how good we looked together and checked on us every five minutes. At the end of the meal, she came up to us, told us she’d taken care of the bill, and then told my date she’d see him at home. He turned to me and said, ‘I hope you liked my mom’. It’s safe to say we never had a second date.”

8. The Overindulger
“I went to a festival with this guy who ate too much and puked on me on the Ferris wheel.”

9. The English Major
“I went out with a guy who recited an entire Thomas Hobbes piece to me before asking if we could hook up in the alley behind his house.”

10. The Flat-Out Jerk
“I met up with a guy for coffee only to be ditched halfway through the date when he found out I had a PhD. Wouldn’t want to be with someone that insecure, anyway!”